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Sugar Daddy, should I call this "my letter to Heaven"?
My letter to You today has so many things that I want to let You know how WONDERFUL You are!
Once again, You have saved me...
My letter to You today has parts which I would name it accordingly to what I have experienced today...
My first: INSECURITY!
Sugar Daddy, I failed to believe one thing. I even failed to believe two people who are important in my life.
Today I have thought that the insecurity that You found in my heart. But it has made me stronger after repenting.
Sitting in Artiste Room alone and writing Geography notes for revision, on my ears songs are played. Tears began to drain out of my eyes. In my thoughts, I had been thinking too much about something that happened before.
I'm always happy when I pressed the button and said 'HI' to the receptionist in church. With my excitement, I'm singing softly in my mouth with my 'superb' high mood. Putting my bag on the chair set up at Auditorium, I took out my headset and stopped playing the songs in my handphone. Sister Alicia was happy to see me, her beloved coordinator. I was happy too!
JooYu saw me and jumped like mad in her love for me. I didn't reply her message. Umm, it's a bit carelessness of me. I read the message during my lesson today and I could reply as my teacher was in class. I replied by the way that I ofter tease her to make her less disappointed. I'm fierce, it's true. She told me that Dom has come back as she was playing pool with Bellerie. We decided to go up to say "Hi' to Dom a bit later on after I would have set up the quilt and pillows.
Singing the 'Nanapoopoo' song, I happily went into Decoration's store in Artiste Room. Alone, I brought out 10 super big pillows to Auditorium. I've got used to do things alone. After that, I brought out the quilt which had just washed by laundry, nicely-smelled. Shi Hao, the RI softball captain, came to have follow-up with Fifi. He helped me to set up the area. After setting up, Fifi came. We, four, together went up to Admin office to say 'Hi' to Dominic.
I had thought my leaders didn't care about me at all. I had this thought so many times in the past. I thought they didn't like me and my presence in front of them was invisible. My insecurity has caused me to be down. I felt so disappointed. Somehow, once, I was losing my spirit and faith. I thought I would walk away from the church just because they would not like the way I am. At that moment, I knew I still had my love for You, Daddy. Tears dropped down from my cheeks so many times.
But...
Somehow, Daddy, You always hold my hands when I lost my faith in my leaders. Father, You have told me to keep my faith. You have told me to have 'thick skin' on my face. You have told me to bear the burden. You have told me, 'Your leaders are testing you and looking at how good I am at bearing all the circumstances'. I became stronger and stronger. The boldness in me has been increased.
Sorry, Daddy, the insecurity in me somehow was still there. My heart burst into tears. I was doubtful, 'Is it true if my leaders don't like me?'. Sometimes, I could not hold my tears in my eyes. Those just drained on my face without me knowing. Afraid, I hided my tears by wiping them quickly. At that moment, my heart was not strong... I would even be hot-tempered and threw my anger to others.
But...
Your Kingdom in me has called my name, 'Be strong and of good courage!'. I fell down but stood up again when I have looked back and considerred again what Pastors and leaders have done for me. They brought me up from a shy, full of fear and uncontrollable girl to a girl of today - A STRONG GIRL WITH A SPIRITUAL HEART. You were there for me, telling me how to walk on. My fire is lighted up again. I gradually believed that all of those moments is when the devil wants to steal me from You. You are more powerful, of course, You pulled me back and held me tightly in Your warm hands. You've saved me... I felt blessed.
I got stronger again.
Sugar Daddy, thank You for all the blessing and for saving me when my feets are not strong to stand up. Thank You, Daddy, without You, there would be no 'ME' of today. Thank You for empowering me when I face the discouragement. Thank You for the security that You gave me when I was insecure. Thank You for the smile on my face that You have made on me. Thank You for giving me visions of being a successful woman in future. Thank You for EVERYTHING!
I will do everything that You trust in me that I can do it!
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My second: SUGAR DADDY NEEDS MUCH OF ME...
Sugar Daddy, forgive me if I would have been weakened...
I know You always give me chances to be changed, to be encouraged and to do my best in Your will.
Daddy, I was on the bus on the way back home. I saw those Chinese girls in VJC uniforms. They are also foreigners living alone without parents aside to bring them up. I was looking at the bunch of bags of food and personal stuffs that they bought. They can do it, "Will I be able to do also?". At first, I thought I would be inferior to them. Looking at their faces, I thought of their future which will be bright with full of success. But You have given me a thought, "No, you're not inferior to them! Definitely NOT!"
You told me that I can do better than them. You told me that I'm special and different from them because I have got You - the Heavenly Father who always gives me power and importantly my SPIRIT! Who say I cannot be like them or I'm inferior to them? Sugar Daddy says, "My lovely daughter is superior to them!". Daddy, I'm so touched that You have put your trust in me that I CAN!
I'm now I have more power to study well. I'm doing my best for You, Sugar Daddy! I will bring the pride for my parents who have put much effort to work to support my study, for my Pastors, for my church and for You!
I know You have expected in me that I would bring revival in my church. Daddy, I was weakened. Sorry for the little spirit that I had. You need much of me ... I'm encouraged now to do something. I'm stronger and have my boldness to do Your mission.
Daddy, I will bring my vision to come to pass for Your love that You have given preciously to me!
To be with them, Pastors, leaders and my dearest Heart of God church, I will do my best!
Amen!
LY ♥ JESUS!